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For the Girl Who Wait

I always believe that there’s no such thing as ‘ideal’ or perfect relationship. We’re just normal couple with various flaws like many others. Yet we’ve been together for 5 years, with all of the ups and downs, all the obstacles, all the difficulties and all the distance between us.

Ah, the distance, the bloody fuckin distance.

Do you still remember the time when we parted on the airport, hugged each other, kissed and waved goodbye? Right now it all feels like just yesterday, but we both knew that it was a very long and tiresome experience. 6 hours time difference, crappy internet connection, the lonely feelings while we waiting for each other to wake up, the ‘i wish you were here’ feelings. Ugh. There’s a moment when I was angry, you were angry. We feel powerless but we couldn’t do anything about it. Gosh, it was hard wasn’t it?

We’ve discovered flaws in our relationship. We embrace all the uncertainties and experienced the difficulties to keep it together. Yet at some extent we’re still the same couple who always care with each other, we still have that simple goal to continue to grow up as an intellectual partner and hopefully grow old together. It has been 5 years. And I’m thankful that i still have you beside me. Last year I was knew, deep down in my heart that we’ll be just fine. Today, one year later, we can finally said that we are just fine. It’s all gonna be over soon. We overcome the distance, I’m coming home.

So see you next week, Happy 5th Anniversary
And here’s to moving forward.

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” ― Anaïs Nin

Newcastle, August, 2013



Let’s Spend Some Time Apart: Long-Distance Relationships Are Deeper

A study takes a closer look at why absence makes the heart grow fonder

By Belinda Luscombe


Don’t feel so bad for couples who live apart. Absence, according to the latest research, does make the heart grow fonder — as long as there’s video-chat, IMing, telephones or texting.

About 3 million spouses in the U.S. live far each away from each other, even though they’d prefer to live together, and the new study, published in the Journal of Communication, found that the separation did not have such a negative effect on their relationships.

The researchers asked 63 heterosexual couples, half of whom lived together, and half whom were in long distance relationships, to keep a diary of one week of interactions with their beloved. The couples were young (mostly college students around age 21) and in love. The ones who lived apart had been separated geographically for an average of 17 months. The researchers, L. Crystal Jiang of City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell University, found, not surprisingly, that far-flung couples interacted fewer times per day. But these interactions were more meaningful.

The couples who were in what was once called “geographically impossible” situations tended to reveal more about themselves in each conversation and to idealize their partner’s response to each piece of self-disclosure. They also spent more time on each interaction. Such disclosures and idealizations, studies suggest, are the building blocks of intimacy. So it’s not surprising that the diaries reflected more satisfaction among the remotely placed partners. “The long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy,” says Jiang, “and their efforts do pay back.”

The couples who saw each other all the time, on the other hand, while recording more conversations, didn’t make such an effort and were more realistic about their partners’ responses. As Jiang and her colleagues wrote, earlier work on the effect of distance on the quality of relationships showed that “long-distance friends focus more on mutual understanding and trust while geographically close friends value practical help and consider ‘being there when needed’ an important feature of close friendship.”

Why does distance drive people to have deeper exchanges? The study doesn’t say, but it could be that communicating with somebody without having to worry about decoding their body language made them braver and more forthright. Or it could be that having only limited access to their partners made them want to use the time more meaningfully. Or it could just be that when they had the chance to communicate with their partner, they made it a priority and turned off the TV, looked away from social media or stopped multitasking.

There aren’t that many studies on long-distance relationships, even though 75% of college students claim to have had one at some point. However, as two-career couples become more normative and as the economy compels both halves of a couple to take whatever work they can get, even if it’s not in the same town, it’s an area ripe for more inspection. The recent story of Manti Te’o, who had what seemed to him a genuine long-distance relationship with a girlfriend who turned out to be a fiction, suggests that bonds formed through media can be quite potent. On the other hand, the high rate of divorce among returning war veterans suggests that it’s not simply a matter of setting up a Skype connection while the service members are overseas. Previous studies have looked at how couples cope with problems, such as jealousy and stress, and it’s not a trivial effort.

One hint fro the study for those who find themselves trying to sustain a relationship from afar: avoid e-mail. Couples who lived apart or who lived together both used e-mail about the same amount, which was not much. Among this age group, at least, e-mail was the least romantic form of communication. Score one for modern technology.

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Bulan depan itu September, berarti setahun saya menjalani LDR sama Motomoto. Ga usah dibahas lah risau gundah macam apa yang ada di dalam hubungan LDR, beda 6 jam itu SUCKS! Delay cerita, bingung kapan waktu yang pas untuk cerita, bikin saya jadi terbiasa untuk nahan cerita, bikin saya merasa nyaman untuk ga berbagi. Padahal ya, itu langkah awal dari terputusnya koneksi dengan pasangan. Used to grow apart while you are in a relationship is DOOM!

I’m aware of this, so did he (thank God!) Sisa sebulan, masih ada waktu untuk catch up, ngubah kebiasaan yang timbul akibat beda 6 jam ini. Mengumpulkan kembali keyakinan apa sih yang bikin kita dari awal mau ngejalanin hubungan ini, apa yang bikin kita sepakat sama-sama berusaha dalam ketidakbersamaan setahun ini, mencari lagi apa yang mau diperoleh untuk diri sendiri dari hubungan ini.

Dari awal kita kompromi considering what’s the benefit for ourself. Sound selfish? Of course we are! A relationship consist of two people, hell yeah think of yourself first!

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